Arranging your seating plan is one of the most stressful things you will tackle when planning your wedding. Fact. It is also one of the last things that gets any consideration in the rush to organise all the things that have to be planned so far in advance such as booking a good photographer, caterer, choosing a dress, your stationery and flowers. I went through it just like every other bride out there so, here are my top tips for taking the pressure off:
1. Start planning well in advance. Even though it seems like a long way off, get going early on your seating plan early, even before you have all your replies back. You can add in or take people out as you go along but it will be much easier than starting from scratch as the wedding approaches and you get more and more busy.
2. Make a list. Set up an Excel spreadsheet or a table on your computer and begin to group people together with likely table companions. If you prefer you could also do this with pieces of paper on a board but it takes up more space and you can't decamp with it to Starbucks when you're stressed out and desperately need to get a change of scene. Find out from your venue what table sizes they have available and what the maximum capacity of the dining area is. Make a separate list of odd-ones-out or people who are difficult to place so you can look for gaps for them later on.
3. Deal with sensitive issues properly. If you have family members who do not like each other for any reason, make a point of sensitively and privately discussing how they feel about where they sit. Obviously, it is your day, but you don't want it marred by a big row. Everyone has to know where they stand well in advance. It may be a difficult conversation but it is better than just 'deciding' for them. Once you have everyone's opinion, you will be in a better place to work out how to proceed. Do however make the point that the wedding breakfast will only be for a couple of hours and you would appreciate their support on your big day. Not everyone can sit on the top table and most people respect that but perhaps you could find ways to make those in your wedding party who do not end up sitting with you at dinner feel like an important part of the day. eg. giving a reading in the church, announcing the speeches or reading the cards from absent guests.
4. Create a suitable environment. When grouping guests together, think very carefully about what sort of atmosphere you would like at your wedding breakfast. I've been to a few weddings where I've been seated on a table away from my partner and often next to two people I do not know and will never meet again. This is fine for the naturally gregarious but I have to say that, personally, this is not a particularly comfortable situation. Give consideration to the individual personalities of your guests. You or your betrothed will know deep down how they will feel about where they sit. You want to ensure that your guests enjoy their meal as much as they enjoy the rest of your day.
5. Group guests according to their mutual interests and requirements. If you have a big group of mates who spend a lot of time together, seat them together. Bear age in mind when planning and make sure people with children are near a convenient exit for toilet trips and short breaks. You don't have to seat partners side by side but, as far as possible, do try to put them on the same table. And never attempt to play cupid at dinner (that's what the late night drinking and dancing is for). Finally, put older people where they can see the top table without difficulty and in a good position to hear the speeches if you are not using a PA system. If you put together a table of people who are naturally at ease with one another then you will find slotting in people who don't fall naturally into any particular group far more easy.
6. Get a second opinion. Sometimes it helps to get a little perspective. Choose someone organised and relatively impartial. When I was getting my married, my darling dad took over the job of fielding and chasing up all the RSVPs and feeding back to me regularly to help me organise. It took an enormous weight off my shoulders and he was able to give us advice about where to put people when we got stuck. Too many cooks spoil the broth though so avoid asking too many people for their opinion.
So that's my 10 cents. If you have any further suggestions about working out a seating plan or have any experience to share, please do not hesitate to send them in.
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