Anyone who has been to a wedding will recognise three distinct phases to the day: Phase One - The proper part where everyone is polished, perfect and polite at the beginning, Phase Two - the interim bit where everyone's loosening up and starting to get a bit hungry and Phase Three - the after-dinner drinking and dancing. On the whole, a recipe for a truly magical and memorable occasion. But there will always be those who try might be tempted to try to be clever or naughty or both. I've borne witness to weddings with boob flashing, rows, sobbing bridesmaids, canoodling on snooker tables and people stuffing bits of table dressing into their handbags...and that was just mine. (I jest!) In short, alcohol is a very necessary and very human part of any celebration. So, today, when I was yet again asked what has now become a very common question, it got me thinking about the human condition when it comes to fascinators and champagne and ink pens. Why is it, do you think, that people like to write on plastercasts? Could it be all that clean, white, pure surface waiting to be dirtied and sloganed? It's like a pile of leaves or an expanse of untouched snow. It's temptation. So, how do you stop guests at your big day from spoiling your beautiful clean signature frame with (shall we say) fruity comments or cartoons that might detract somewhat from the lovely sober messages of goodwill when you come to hang it in your home as a momento of your wonderful wedding day. I've had a think and an ask around, and this is what we've come up with:
How to Limit The Risk of Inappropriate Comments on A Guest Signature Frame
- The first thing is to treat your guest signature frame as yet another stage in the day and make sure you time it right. At some point towards the end of Phase One and the beginning of Phase Two should be perfect; when folks are still on their best behaviour and aren't compensating for being a bit peckish by necking a bit too much champagne. At a suitable point close to the entrance of your reception or in a prominent place close by the gathering is ideal. Make it look purposeful by laying it on a nice crisp cloth and having your florist finish the table with some extra blooms or petals. Making it a feature will draw people near. People love reading messages and tributes and a crowd is most likely to deter any horse play or ill-advised contributions at this stage.
- Go on! Give your attendants another job to do. As I always say, they're in it for more than the stag do and the dress and they'd better not forget it! Choose a trusted bridesmaid or groomsman and give them the job of getting as many people as possible to sign the mount during the drinks reception. It need be no longer than an hour or hour and a half tops, they can work shifts and, if you make it their responsibility, they'll be on any potential ne'er-do-wells like a tramp on chips.
- You could make an announcement but this might come over a bit precious or bossy. Nobody likes it when you assume they are going to misbehave even if they know in their hearts that they desperately want to get their hands on that disposable camera and take 36 pictures of peoples bosoms with it. Instead, why not place a witty and easy-going - and yet at the same time crystal clear - sign somewhere prominent advising people to think twice before leaving a message or drawing that includes cheek, profanity or anything that does not in some way reflect their purest thoughts on this most sacred of occasions. (BOYGIRLBOY will be happy to help you with this notice completely free of charge by the way).
- Have an attendant or member of staff at the venue remove the frame from sight and safely stored during dinner. If anyone important has been missed out (impossible!), then they can always sign it at a later date but seriously, by 8pm, enough is enough. It's time to party!
- Lastly, a novel one this and probably the most effective by far: Position your signature frame within easy sight of a comfy seating area where many of the more mature guests are likely to gravitate at various points during the reception, the idea being that people are less likely to lark about with granny doling out hard stares in their peripheral vision. It would definitely work with my granny.
What you consider to be inappropriate comment will, of course, be subjective and an affair that is entirely for you, but most people should realise that a wedding is not the place for black humour, life drawing practice or indeed to try out new stand-up material particularly when two, or possibly three, sheets to the wind. By following some or all of these steps, it is my hope that disaster may be averted. Please let me know if you come up with any more.
