RSVP Blues

You've been to the Post Office and you've put all your beautiful, clean, crisp invitations into the letter box. All done. Now all you have to do is wait for the RSVPs to flood in. Initially, you will get quite a flutter from your more organised friends and loved ones but, as time goes on, you may experience some frustration as things slow down and exasperation takes over. The psychology surrounding the act of RSVP-ing to a wedding invitation is best left to the experts but this observer puts it down to the fact that, while your wedding is the biggest thing in your life, everyone else is merrily carrying on as usual and, with the best will in the world, people are really good at putting things off that do not immediately affect their day-to-day lives.  I have found that a lot of people (mostly men I'm afraid) think that telling you that they 'wouldn't miss it' when you announce your engagement is sufficient RSVP for the big day. It's not because they don't care, it's just the way things are. So the key to staving off the RSVP blues is to put in place some RSVP options that are simple and accessible to all. These are my top tips: 

1. Include an RSVP card. Lamentably, the days of putting a lovely fountain pen to paper to write a wedding acceptance is long over. This may be due to general changes to society's mores or because the digital age has made writing letters largely passe but don't expect them because they are unlikely to be forthcoming. Make it easy for your guests. Include a self-addressed postcard with your invitation and require the least input possible from the recipient. ie. say "I will/ will not be able to attend (delete as appropriate)" or words to that effect. Add a space at the bottom for dietary requirements and that's it. Most stationers will offer this product to match your invitations if you don't want to do it yourself. 

2. Put your stamp on it. Here's the important bit. When enclosing RSVP postcards or notes, it is advisable to put a stamp on each one. First or second class, it matters not. Many people put off trying to find stamps or visiting a post office in favour of something more 'urgent' to do. It's human. Put a stamp on it and then all they have to do is cross out an option and put it in the postbox. Job done.

3. Embrace technology. More and more people are introducing an option requiring guests to RSVP to their personal e-mails. Add an e-mail to the RSVP options on your invitation. Pretty much everyone under seventy (and quite a few above that age too) has access to a computer and an e-mail account. For many, it is more natural to them than using the telephone. Why not use this as the perfect opportunity to set up your joint e-mail account. eg. "janeandjoesbigday@domain.co.uk" or mrandmrssmith@domain.co.uk. Then you can compile an e-mail group of your guests to keep them updated or chase up responses with just a couple of clicks.

4. Site savvy. Why not have a wedding website built. There are companies that will do this now and they don't have to cost the earth. They can be as simple as one page with a map, times and dates and maybe a little forum for people to leave you messages. If you want to, you could even go to a domain registry and buy your own domain name. Depending upon the availability of the name you want and the end bit eg. .com. .net. .co.uk this will cost anything between £2 and around £80 for a year's registration. One word of caution though: avoid putting the date of your wedding on an internet site that is not password protected. There are just too many shady types lurking about on the information highway to risk your big day turning into a flash mob. I'm not being paranoid. It's rare but it has happened. Anyone who has received a postal invitation will know the date so that information isn't necessary.  Make sure there is a big old button somewhere prominent inviting people to RSVP now. Again, it makes it easier for people. If you are the creative type, there are a number of free web-builders on the internet where you can build your own site without having to know about code and geeky stuff. You will still need to pay for hosting but this does not need to be more than a few pounds a month. 

5. Blog it. If you aren't sure you want the hassle and expense of a website, there is another option available to you. You may well be the type to want to create a running record of your preparations leading up to your big day and, if so, why not start a blog to record your thoughts and updates and ask your guests to follow your progress. There are many free blogging sites that allow you to get up and running in a matter of minutes. Blogs are just another form of website that has the benefit being free while encouraging interaction with your friends and family. Add an RSVP link and there'll be no excuse for them not to get in touch.

5. Facebook. Not an option I'd go with because it is extremely public but if the majority of your guests are devotees of the social networking site, it might be worth creating an event page or group that includes the option to RSVP. Again, it is a very simple way to keep people apprised of developments about your event with the minimum possible effort. Again, please note that it is ill-advised to post the date of your wedding on a public website.

5. Friends with benefits. Your bridesmaids and groomsmen aren't just in it for the dress and the stag do. They are essentially your unpaid help for the day and their job begins when you start planning your wedding. Hopefully, you will have at least one or two trustworthy types amongst your wedding party who can take on the job of fielding your RSVPs and, more importantly, to chase up the stragglers. Give someone this job. A quick phone call or e-mail from a wedding attendant is a lot less confrontational for those afflicted by radio silence than one from the bride or groom and it takes some of the weight off your shoulders too. If none of your bridesmaids or groomsmen fit the bill, ask a parent or sibling instead. The key word here is trust. Give them a deadline and ask them to stick to it. 

5. Spread your bets. Give people as many options as possible to RSVP in as timely a fashion as possible. I'm not suggesting use all the options I've written about above but definitely use more than one: as a minimum, I would suggest the SAE and e-mail options but the fact is, the sooner you know what sort of numbers you're dealing with, the less stressed you will feel, particularly if you have a second round list in mind. It may be necessary and a commonplace practice but nobody is fooled as to their place in the pecking order when an invitation drops onto their doormat with a fortnight to go. 

I hope this has been helpful. If you have any comments about this post or any personal experience to share then please do not hesitate to get in touch. Good luck! 

Guest List Blues

Arranging your seating plan is one of the most stressful things you will tackle when planning your wedding. Fact. It is also one of the last things that gets any consideration in the rush to organise all the things that have to be planned so far in advance such as booking a good photographer, caterer, choosing a dress, your stationery and flowers. I went through it just like every other bride out there so, here are my top tips for taking the pressure off:

1. Start planning well in advance. Even though it seems like a long way off, get going early on your seating plan early, even before you have all your replies back. You can add in or take people out as you go along but it will be much easier than starting from scratch as the wedding approaches and you get more and more busy. 

2. Make a list. Set up an Excel spreadsheet or a table on your computer and begin to group people together with likely table companions. If you prefer you could also do this with pieces of paper on a board but it takes up more space and you can't decamp with it to Starbucks when you're stressed out and desperately need to get a change of scene. Find out from your venue what table sizes they have available and what the maximum capacity of the dining area is. Make a separate list of odd-ones-out or people who are difficult to place so you can look for gaps for them later on.

3. Deal with sensitive issues properly. If you have family members who do not like each other for any reason, make a point of sensitively and privately discussing how they feel about where they sit. Obviously, it is your day, but you don't want it marred by a big row. Everyone has to know where they stand well in advance. It may be a difficult conversation but it is better than just 'deciding' for them. Once you have everyone's opinion, you will be in a better place to work out how to proceed. Do however make the point that the wedding breakfast will only be for a couple of hours and you would appreciate their support on your big day. Not everyone can sit on the top table and most people respect that but perhaps you could find ways to make those in your wedding party who do not end up sitting with you at dinner feel like an important part of the day. eg. giving a reading in the church, announcing the speeches or reading the cards from absent guests.

4. Create a suitable environment. When grouping guests together, think very carefully about what sort of atmosphere you would like at your wedding breakfast. I've been to a few weddings where I've been seated on a table away from my partner and often next to two people I do not know and will never meet again. This is fine for the naturally gregarious but I have to say that, personally, this is not a particularly comfortable situation. Give consideration to the individual personalities of your guests. You or your betrothed will know deep down how they will feel about where they sit. You want to ensure that your guests enjoy their meal as much as they enjoy the rest of your day.

5. Group guests according to their mutual interests and requirements. If you have a big group of mates who spend a lot of time together, seat them together. Bear age in mind when planning and make sure people with children are near a convenient exit for toilet trips and short breaks. You don't have to seat partners side by side but, as far as possible, do try to put them on the same table. And never attempt to play cupid at dinner (that's what the late night drinking and dancing is for). Finally, put older people where they can see the top table without difficulty and in a good position to hear the speeches if you are not using a PA system. If you put together a table of people who are naturally at ease with one another then you will find slotting in people who don't fall naturally into any particular group far more easy.

6. Get a second opinion. Sometimes it helps to get a little perspective. Choose someone organised and relatively impartial. When I was getting my married, my darling dad took over the job of fielding and chasing up all the RSVPs and feeding back to me regularly to help me organise. It took an enormous weight off my shoulders and he was able to give us  advice about where to put people when we got stuck. Too many cooks spoil the broth though so avoid asking too many people for their opinion.

So that's my 10 cents. If you have any further suggestions about working out a seating plan or have any experience to share, please do not hesitate to send them in.